


Love at First Chop

by misura



Category: D.E.B.S. (2004)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, F/F, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:30:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy's no good horrible ex and their relationship in three brief scenes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love at First Chop

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Liviapenn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviapenn/gifts).



.01

First time you meet her, she lays you out with a karate chop to the head before stealing your necklace.

It's not exactly love at first sight - "Oh, honey, trust me," Scud says, sitting by your bedside like the protective big brother he isn't, or the overworrying mother hen that he is, "there's no such thing as love at first chop. Just forget about her. We'll hire someone to kill her and that will be it, no muss, no fuss."

Your instincts tell you he's right. Your heart tells you: screw that, this bitch is going down. (On you, preferably.)

 

.02

The second time you meet her, she's wearing your necklace.

You tell her that it looks nice on her. (It does.)

She tells you she knows, because: "Diamonds are _moi_ 's best friend."

You introduce yourself, a bit hurt (you might as well admit to yourself) that she's never heard of you, but then, of course, the two of you move in very different circles. You compliment her dress, her hair and her ear rings.

She agrees to meet you for dinner later. You agree to let her pick the place, mostly because you're depressingly sure that you don't know any place around here that's nice, romantic and doesn't serve pork. (Scud might, but right now, you're not talking to Scud.)

 

.03

She dumps you for a frog. It's kind of the most humiliating moment of your life.

"Two dates do not a relationship make," Scud says, apparently operating under the mistaken impression that poorly constructed sentences are going to cheer you right up. (Scud is, on occasion, an idiot. He's also your best friend, though.) "Look, sweetie, I know you liked her for some unfathomable reason, but it was never going to work out between the two of you, you know that. You can do so much better."

"I know," you say. You think you're going to feel a lot better if you wipe a small continent off the face of the earth. Or possibly just New York City.

**Author's Note:**

> if, at this point, you are staring at your screen without a clue: it's not you, it's me
> 
> (If you are liviapenn, oops, I was 99% sure you knew this character - or knew _of_ her, anyway)


End file.
